Sunday, March 4, 2012


It can be argued that numbers never lie.  It can also be argued that numbers don't tell the whole story. But at least they are there.  To be looked over and dissected until a conclusion can be drawn.  To see if progress is being made or if momentum has stalled or even heading backwards.

Athletes are defined by their statistics.  Winning isn't always enough anymore(is it Tim?) and players are reminded after every game if they personally had a good or bad day.  Either by their coaches, fellow teammates, media members who get paid for their opinion, or fans who just can't help but speak their mind.  The praise and scorn that goes along with the statistics may or may not be warranted but its nice to compare a players performance both in the short and long term.

Out in the real world we don't have that.  Almost everyday we are asked "How are you?" or "How have you been?" and as if following a possible one of two scripts we answer the appropriate "good" or "bad" without giving it much thought.  We'd have no one number to use as an answer anyway as people don't simply level up.  But you'd think that as much as people love to keep track of others performance they would at least find some enjoyment in tracking themselves.  Granted its harder to find measurables in an every day routine but they are there to be found.

Not that you asked but...... "Great, over the last two weeks my average shower time has has dropped 15 seconds without any hit to my cleanliness rating."

Sunday, February 26, 2012


Figurines, medals, or ribbons earned for excellence are always welcome to those who worked towards them.  But a trophy is only defined by size and color to those who don't own it.  To those who possess it it can mean their world or little more than a random piece of scrap.

What the object represents is the real trophy.  A memory, a moment, an achievement encapsulated in a physical holdable object.  Ranging from a gold man on a pedestal, to new toy or an old love letter, trophies are displayed in finally crafted cases to be seen by all that pass by or in the back of a closet only meant for the eyes of one.

Its an instinctual practice.  Humans without even thinking about it know that their memory will fade and details will become distant.  The urge to hold onto an object. To throw it in the top top drawer or place it in a box in the basement.  That right then and there its important to save an object that decades later will help them remember just a little bit more of a moment they are slowly losing or even lost.  And the illness that strikes when the object is lost forever is like a death to a part of someones life.  As without that object the memory isn't even real.

Sunday, February 12, 2012


Avocados are a delicious, low carb, heart healthy, vitamin filled fruit that can even help you lose weight.  But that's not enough for anyone to actually go out and buy them.  Fortunately for our little green friends, that's where Joe Montana comes in.  Winner of four Super Bowls and arguably the greatest NFL quarterback of all time, Joe Montana now leads the drive of avocados to your mouth.  He's been a hired pitch man for avocados for a few years now and it seems that bringing in his winning attitude has really turned the world of Persea americana on its oddly shaped head.  Sales have doubled since 2004 and in 2010 1.32 billion pounds of avocados were sold.  Holy Guacamole!

Its sad that everything and every place has to have an endorsement, sponsorship, and at the very least a commercial behind it.  Not only to remain competitive but just to exist in general.  You can listen to a fascinating interview of any influential person in the world but than feel cheated when you find it was all just to have them awkwardly plug a random product at the end.  Depends on the Spot promises its readers that when they sit down to read a post it won't be a rambling, time wasting read, that ends in a commercial plug.  That's our Denny's Sizzlin' Skillets guarantee.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


Confetti is sprinkles for life.  When an already amazing moment in time yearns for that little something extra or doesn't know how to end properly there is always confetti.  Little bits of paper dancing downward from the sky, with an infinite amount of color combinations to choose from, reminds all those who see it that something especially fun is happening.  No confetti exists for sad occasions.

We all get to share in the splendor when we see the confetti fall, but very few of us actually get to say the confetti is for them.  That they've earned the confetti.  That they weren't just a convenient bystander when it started raining colors of pure joy.  No, that honor is reserved for champions of sport, music, politics, and love.  Lifting up a trophy, finishing a power ballad, winning an election, and marrying the person of your dreams just means more when the sky celebrates with you.  So for most of us we better get that love thing right if we really want to know what it feels like to deserve the confetti.

...either that or start bringing confetti to the office.  I hear Gary beat his personal best in sales this quarter.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Dance Like Somone Is Watching

Dancing is the most fluid art there is.  Every move you made, are making, and will make complement each other to form a beautiful timeline of grace, elegance, energy, and attitude.  It springs to life out of nowhere and ends just as suddenly.  Sometimes before its time....and in other times not soon enough.

Dancing is hard.

Its one of the few human skills that bring about praise or judgment from total strangers.  And people love to judge people dancing.  The incredibly popular family of dancing competition television shows is just a small example of that.  Most of the judging doesn't take place on TV.  It takes place in dance clubs, small bars, or wedding receptions.  And unlike in sports, the audience of strangers won't clap if you do good, or jeer if you do bad.  They just stare and smile, because it doesn't matter if you're good or bad; its entertainment to them.

Most know the judgments exist, but they either have enough self confidence or liquid courage not to care and race to the dance floor to have fun.  Those who stay behind because of the fear of being judged then seamlessly turn into the judgees.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Prowler

The hours almost up and I'm exhausted. My legs just barely support my own body weight and one more push up would be one too many. Cue Dan the trainer.  "You guys need to be able to pay attention the rest of the day?"

Created by Satan's personal blacksmith The Prowler looks like a mix between a football blocking sled and a BDSM contraption.  It comes with the following instructions:

  1. Push it one way with your lower body 
  2. Push it back again with your upper body.
  3. Repeat
  4. Repeat
  5. ...please make it stop...
  6. Repeat
My will power is in direct relation to who is around me and I'm ok with that.  Mainly because people watching me always brings out my best and leads to situations where I exceed my own preconceived notions of what I can do.  Its my favorite internal high.

Alone in a gym.  There is no way I finish the Prowler.  My pace slowed to a crawl, my knees buckled and fell to the ground multiple times during the last leg. My body quit. But my desire to not disappoint didn't.  I finished.

The next 5 minutes were spent trying to find the best position I could so my body wouldn't implode on itself. Lying down, standing up, sitting.  Like an insomniac trying to fall asleep no position worked. I vomited shortly after. I loved and hated every agonizing second of it.

I dread ever taking on the Prowler again but I know our next meeting will be here soon.  I can't wait to prove myself wrong again.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Depends On the Spot

"It's close.  It's really close.  It all depends on the spot."

A phrase so obvious and simple its strikes a pained emotion into every football fan.  Either Team A reached their goal of a first down and thus receives permission to continue their quest for glory or they must admit defeat and grant Team B the same opportunity they just failed.

"It all depends on the spot."

6,000 pounds of human beings on a field trying to force a one pound, oddly shaped, inflated piece of leather in the direction of their choice.  They have four chances to go 10 yards.  Their livelihoods depend on it.  Their future depends on it.  In this case they've only made it 9 yards....or is that 10?

"It all depends on the spot."

Sounds of collisions fill the stadium.  One of the fastest men on earth is forced to the ground.  He stretches for every inch.  The play ends. 50 feet away the smallest man on the field watches.  He dresses like he wants to stand out by stealing the markings of a zebra,an animal who wants to do anything but standout.  He slowly runs, not jogs, out on to the field with his arm raised; Summoning the attention of millions.  When he reaches his destination he stands stoically with his arm in the air. Right or wrong he believes in what he's seen and where he currently stands.  He's spotted the ball.  He has the authority to do so.

"It all depends on the spot."

STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC!! We KNOW!  We know it all depends on the spot!  Thank you for telling us what we already know. No one is watching this game and doesn't know the rules of football.  If you have the gene that causes you to have an interest in football you were also born to instinctually know the rules.  Its a scientific fact.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Its just that its really important that I know where my team stands right now. Were my team's past decisions correct?  What will our next play be?  Will I be happy or sad with the outcome? Is this post just some long drawn out analogy towards life that justifies the name of the blog?  What will I write about next?

......depends on the spot.